


Beautiful Now

by MattyWantsToBattle



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abuse, Gen, M/M, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:51:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9081202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MattyWantsToBattle/pseuds/MattyWantsToBattle
Summary: Mark was very important to Jack and honestly very important to Felix as well. Felix had already known something was wrong, had always known, but now everything made sense.Felix wasn’t going to stand for that.“You get to England and I’ll handle the rest. Victor’s never touching you again.”Mark glanced up at the promise, biting into his lip hard.“… Felix, Victor is d-dangerous…”“Mark… what has he done to you?”Mark looked away, shaking his head hard.“… I’ll be in England soon. Th-Thank you… Thank you.”Felix noticed the way Mark deliberately tried not to answer the question.He stared at the scarlet haired man for a few moments, before nodding slowly.“… I’ll see you tomorrow. You’re welcome.”Or, Mark decides that he's going to Cringemas, even if it kills him. Because looking at it all, isn't he dead either way?





	1. Hazey

**Author's Note:**

> Welp.  
> I think I'll actually finish this.

Cringemas was going to save Mark’s life.

Mark knew that after how long he’d been with Victor that things were only getting worse.

Mark remembered when he told Victor that he had to go to England for the charity stream.

Victor’s reaction had been expected to an extent.

He’d turned slowly, narrowed hazel eyes watching him. “Excuse me?”

“I’m going to the Cringemas Charity Live stream for RED this weekend.”

Anger had been painfully obvious on Victor’s face; Mark had never learned to be good at saying things the way he wanted.

Mark wasn’t the best at doing things to minimize pain, so he got hurt often, and severely.

Mark took a small step back as Victor took one forward, chocolate eyes glancing to the side for a split second before clashing with Victor’s own again.

“You’re going? You aren’t even going to ask if it’s allowed?”

“… I-I’m… an adult… I don’t need your per-!”

Mark was cut off by a hard and brutal punch across his face.

Mark had been with Victor about two and a half years by then.

Somehow, he was still able to have random bursts of bravery.

That usually resulted in Mark getting the shit beat out of him.

Mark raised a hand to hold onto his throbbing cheek, blinking away specks of tears stuck in his eyes from the pain.

That was going to really bruise…

“… I… I d-don’t… Need your p-per-!”

Victor grabbed his arms and turned him quickly, slamming him roughly into the wall.

Immediately, Mark went silent.

It’d been a long, long time since Victor had handled him like this.

And the last time, Victor had made sure Mark knew who exactly _owned_ him…

“… I-I’m sorry…” Mark mumbled, looking down at the space between them, willing it to grow, trying to force Victor to move away with his thoughts.

Instead, the space shrunk.

Mark’s breathing got a small bit erratic, swallow hurting his throat.

“You remember when we had a talk about you thinking you could do whatever you wanted? I had to really try to get that lesson through your thick skull… But I remember what got you to listen, when you were cheating on me with Jack…”

Mark immediately froze, legs going numb and shaking slightly.

He’d never cheated on Victor, but the other had definitely thought he had…

Mark remembered the ‘lesson’ he’d learned.

“… p-please, no…”

Victor’s frown immediately turned into a large, sick grin.

Mark had never felt a worse pain.

In his entire life, the worst pain he’d ever felt, unrivaled, was when Victor had forcibly taken his virginity a year previous.

Mark figured the pain he felt the second time was the only thing that had come even remotely close.

Even the tumor that had landed him in the hospital years ago wasn’t as bad.

Mark had screamed his voice raw, until he couldn’t scream at all.

Victor hadn’t even bothered to prepare him, just pinning him down and forcing himself into Mark’s tight hole.

Mark had writhed and cried and sobbed, until now he was here, laying in the cold bed alone, blood and semen spilling down his thighs and across the sheets.

It was the second time.

It was two times too many.

Mark realized, as he continued to softly cry in the dark, that if he didn’t get out now, he was going to die.

He might have gone through a lot, especially as soon as he’d met Victor, but he wasn’t ready to die.

He was far too young to die.

Mark knew that no matter what, he had to leave and never come back.

… But that was easier said than done.

Mark cracked his eyes open as he heard Victor come into the room, coffee peeking through scarlet as he stared up at the other.

Victor sighed, reaching over to rub Mark’s shoulder softly. It caused the half Korean to flinch, making Victor raise a brow.

“Mark, you need to start learning… We’ve been over all of this for nearly three years and you’re still such a horrible…”

Mark slowly started tuning out Victor’s tirade of how horrible Mark was, a soft sob rolling through his chest as he found he couldn’t do it as well as he had the last time.

Sitting here, as disgusting as Victor described, with blood and the proof of who exactly owned him between his legs… made it harder to ignore everything Victor said.

And then came the last thing, before Mark was left alone to sob in the dark again; “After they figure out how disgusting and pathetic you are, no one will want to touch you besides me. Don’t you get it, Mark? You should just start listening, because there is going to be no one after me. Even your precious Jack will never want to talk to you again.”

Mark looked up, trying hard to force himself to sit up. It hurt beyond belief, but he was able to narrow brown eyes up at the other. “… y-you think… I’ll s-stay with you after you… d-did that… a-a-fucking-gain?”

“If you ever try to leave me, I’ll kill you. You understand, Mark? You’re never leaving me.”

Mark’s eyes had widened, before he slowly sank back into the bed, listening as Victor left the room.

Mark let more soft sobs wrack his body as he slowly fell asleep, his warm tears slipping down his face and dripping to the sheets.

He couldn’t move the next morning.

Mark knew the next day he’d have to be on the plane to go to England for Cringemas, but no matter what he couldn’t bring himself to move. It hurt.

Mark ached, like the first time… Just complete pain that made him unable to move.

This time, Victor hadn’t even bothered to clean him up.

Mark finally forced himself to move, mewls of pain escaping him as he limped his way to the bathroom, pulling his underwear up.

Dried blood and cum flaked off his skin as he grabbed a change of clothes and made his way into the bathroom, shaky hand turning on the hot water.

Mark scrubbed at his skin to try to get the dirty feeling away, until his usually tan skin was turned pink.

When Mark was finally clean, even though he didn’t feel like he ever could really be again, he turned off the water and got dressed in his comfortable clothes.

Mark made his way back to his room, wondering why Victor hadn’t spent the night with him. That usually meant he was going to be gone for a few days.

Mark wondered if Victor expected him to stay home. That wasn’t going to happen, no fucking way. Mark was going to that live stream…

Mark brought out a suitcase to pack up things, stuffing as much as he could into the suitcase.

He especially put stuff he really wanted to keep, and all of his physical money was stuffed into his wallet.

Mark was never coming back. Not after the night before. Maybe it was stupid with Victor’s death threat still looming over him, but Mark couldn’t stay…

Mark had a feeling that he’d still be back though.

Mark didn’t want to die.

… not really.

And he knew Victor had been right, no one would even want to so much as touch him when they found out what Victor had done to him…

Mark was dead either way. Staying or leaving, Mark was going to die. He hated himself for getting in this situation.

Mark dragged his bulging suitcase out his room and in front of the door before sitting down on the couch and laying on it.

Mark fell asleep quickly, only stirring when he heard his Skype calling for his attention.

Mark took shaky, pained steps toward his recording room, softly touching his bruised cheek from the night before.

It was Felix calling him…

Mark answered the call, covering his face with the hoodie of his jacket.

“Hey Mark- you alright?”

Mark peeked out, chocolate eyes shining softly from the small part of his face that could be seen.

Mark frowned a bit, before pulling his hood off and looking away.

“Jesus Christ, Mark…!”

“… I’m leaving him. Felix, Victor’s been abusing me and… last night he… L-Last night…”

Mark felt his tears restart, sobs rolling through his chest and making him unable to speak.

“… h-he said… Felix I was g-going to leave him, it was my plan, b-but last night he said if I d-do he’ll kill me… F-Felix…”

Felix frowned, a cold sort of anger nestled deep in his crystal blue eyes.

Among Felix’s best friends were Mark and Jack.

In fact, Jack was, without a doubt, his **best** friend.

Mark was very important to Jack and honestly very important to Felix as well. Felix had already known something was wrong, had _always_ known, but now everything made sense.

Felix wasn’t going to stand for that.

“You get to England and I’ll handle the rest. Victor’s never touching you again.”

Mark glanced up at the promise, biting into his lip hard.

“… Felix, Victor is d-dangerous…”

“Mark… what has he done to you?”

Mark looked away, shaking his head hard.

“… I’ll be in England soon. Th-Thank you… Thank you.”

Felix noticed the way Mark deliberately tried not to answer the question.

He stared at the scarlet haired man for a few moments, before nodding slowly.

“… I’ll see you tomorrow. You’re welcome.”

Mark said goodbye and clicked off the video, before sighing and making his way to the couch again, falling asleep again quickly.

This was all just emotionally taxing, and he needed the sleep…


	2. Ill

Mark was walking funny.

Even after a full day of rest, Mark was still unable to walk right and it still hurt.

Mark’s first thought was Victor probably tore something. Seeing as how he felt sick as all hell, Mark figured that his initial thought was right.

Though, he supposed, last time it hurt for awhile too.

Mark wasn’t sure if it was hurting abnormally long or not, but he did know that it wasn’t something that should have happened.

Mark didn’t like the word ‘rape’.

It made him feel sick, especially when it came to thinking about what happened to him.

Mark didn’t like to think of it at all, but thinking of it as Victor raped him, made him sick to his stomach.

Mark waddled off the plane, a small sigh escaping him as he tried to wake himself up.

The ache continued to make him tired as hell, to the point that Mark was barely able to react to other people.

The first time Victor had abused him like that, it had been worse, enough to make him not even able to get up the next day at all.

Mark remembered how horrible he felt when he had to say sorry to everyone for not uploading.

Mark had nightmares nearly every night after that, and sometimes a waking nightmare would interrupt his nights and he’d be reliving the pain again.

All of it made Mark develop a caffeine addiction and have even less sleep then he used to.

“Mark!”

Mark hazily looked up when he saw Jack, noticing that he almost hugged Mark before pulling back a bit.

Mark frowned, reaching up to rush a hand through scarlet.

“Hey, Jack…”

“Mark? You alright? The fuck happened ta yer face?!” Jack asked, worry coating his voice.

Mark reached up to cup his bruised cheek, shaking his head a bit.

“We… Let’s just get to Felix’s house.”

Jack frowned, cerulean narrowing in suspicion, before nodding slightly.

Mark’s waddling immediately got Jack’s attention, causing the green haired man to scowl.

“… Felix is waiting outside with his car. We’ll go ta th’ carousel for your luggage first…”

Mark nodded, toddling toward the luggage carousel to find his bags.

Jack helped him grab his duffel, stepping closer to Mark when he noticed that Mark’s walking stuttered and that Mark was obviously dizzy.

“… Mark, are you ok?”

“Y-Yeah, just hungry.”

It was the truth; Mark hadn’t been able to eat since Victor abused him like that.

He’d only tried once, but ended up throwing it up, so he hadn’t bothered.

Hunger was really starting to get to him at that point, to the point where Mark was having trouble functioning like a healthy human being.

He continued to ache, and his lack of food made him dizzy.

Jack quickly took a few strides to get in front of Mark.

“Alright, when was the last time ya ate? We have to get you something…”

“… uh, I haven’t eaten since lunch two days ago.”

Jack froze, grimace settling on his lips.

“… y-ya need to eat… Come on.”

Mark shuffled out the airport, greeting Felix quietly as he sat down in the back of the car.

Jack looked behind at him before looking back at Felix. “He hasn’t eaten since lunch two days ago, we need to get him somethin’.”

Felix paused, before quickly looking behind him at the scarlet haired man.

Shadows were painted underneath his eyes and his skin was pale.

Mark’s cheeks had gotten a little hollower since they spoke last, even though it had only been a day ago…

“What do you want?”

“I-I’m not feeling well, last time I tried to eat I ended up throwing it up…”

Jack glanced worriedly over at him, before looking back at Felix, who had started pulling out and away from the airport.

“Something small? He got really dizzy while we were in th’ airport... Hey, Mark, you sick and bringing a bug or somethin’?”

Mark glanced away, shakily hugging himself.  “… I-I’m not sick.”

Felix’s jaw immediately set, icy anger obvious on his face, if anyone was looking at him.

Jack was staring at Mark, while Mark had his head pressed against the cold window.

“He was walking weird too… You alright, Mark?”

Suddenly, Felix accelerated.

It was a stupid decision, but that walking weird comment suddenly made Felix realize what could have been wrong.

It made him a little sick to think about.

“Mark, what happened?” He finally asked, hoping Mark would at least say something and try to disguise it, so Felix could know for sure…

Mark was trying hard to say something.

Maybe not flat out say it, but something to at least tell Felix…

If Mark was going to say anything to anyone, it was going to be Felix… He’d already admitted the abuse, it couldn’t get much worse…

“… I, uh… was forced to eat something I didn’t want to and I’ve b-been feeling ill since…”

‘Forced to eat something I didn’t want to’.

Felix, for his part, didn’t start seething out loud about what he suddenly figured out.

Jack just looked confused.

“Forced ta eat something ya didn’t want?”

Mark shrugged a bit, before letting his eyes shut.

Mark was still completely and utterly exhausted, the pain continuing to drain his energy. A wince took over his expression as they went over a bump.

“… Hey Mark, are you in pain? Maybe the live stream isn’t th’ best idea… You didn’t have to come…”

“Believe me, I did…” Mark mumbled, opening up one of his eyes to stare at Jack.

Jack paused, eyebrows furrowing a bit as he nibbled on his lip.

Something bad was going on, and Jack could feel it. Deep in his core, the worry and fear he held for Mark seemed to force itself back up to the surface.

“What ya mean?”

Mark didn’t answer, having fallen asleep leaning against the car door.

Jack frowned, sitting back in his chair to face forward.

“… what’s going on?”

Felix didn’t answer for a few beats, icy eyes continuing to stare forward as his mouth fell open a bit.

“Why don’t Mark tell you? Just wait for him to get comfortable enough. I don’t think he’ll want me to say.”

Jack held his tongue about Felix’s grammar, figuring that it didn’t really matter at this point.

“He… Is he alright, though?”

Felix slowly shook his head minimally.

Jack’s jaw tightened as he thought of all the things that could be wrong, mind settling on the obvious; the asshole Mark was dating.

Something must have happened with Victor.

Jack remembered the first time he met Victor.

Immediately, the other had rubbed him the wrong way. Jack wasn’t exactly sure why, but just the look of him, and especially Mark’s reactions to whatever move Victor made, was enough to make Jack dislike him.

That dislike turned to hatred when Mark had told him that Victor thought Mark was cheating with Jack so maybe they should tone down the bullshit Septiplier things they did.

Like Mark of all people would ever cheat.

Jack missed being able to joke around and hug him. He wondered, though, if he actually thought of it as joking.

Jack, for his part, had never let Mark know about the crush he’d harbored when Jack was still just a small fan.

Jack figured that it should have dwindled into nothing by now, but in all honesty, he had no god damn clue.

Mark was still asleep, light snoring escaping him. Not enough to disturb anyone, but just the right amount to make him… cute?

Jack listened to his breathing, tipping his head back to rest against the pillow of his seat.

“… I’m worried about him.”

Felix gave a small glance over at Jack as he pulled up toward his house.

Emma and PJ were there too, waiting to talk over some things before they were supposed to meet up for the live stream the next day.

Felix nodded slowly as he slowed his car to a stop.

“You should be.”

“Why? What th’ hell is happening ta him?”

Felix grimaced, realizing his mistake too late. With a quick shake of his head, he got out the car and went over to Mark’s side.

Jack realized that Felix was going to completely ignore his question, jaw setting into an angry scowl, before he decided to softly wake Mark up.

Mark flinched violently, hand going up to protect himself as Jack jerked backwards, hands up.

Mark’s breathing was erratic as he tried to calm down, pupils dilated.

Felix slowly opened Mark’s door, causing the American to jolt to stare up at him.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s just me and Jack.” Felix mumbled, clicking Mark’s seat belt open.

Even that seemed to startle him, however, chocolate eyes darting to watch Felix pull the buckle from its sheath.

Mark finally got himself under control, forcing himself to get out the car with a small whimper of pain.

“I know… Come on, just get inside, me and Jack will get your stuff…” Felix continued to murmur, giving a soft sigh as Mark started to practically limp his way to Felix’s door.

“… Felix, tell me what th’ fuck is going on.”

Jack’s voice was firm and dark, anger coating it.

Felix paused, glancing back at Mark, before looking over at Jack.

“… I think Mark was raped.”


	3. Confess

Jack was silent as Mark excused himself to go take a nap.

After Felix had made him promise to not say anything about his thoughts of what might have been wrong, Jack didn’t feel much like talking anymore.

It wasn’t confirmed, but after Jack looked at all of the evidence with that thought in mind…

And then there was the fact of _who_ did it…

At first when Felix had mentioned something, Jack hadn’t actually thought about the ‘who’. He more thought about the ‘how could anyone hurt Mark like that’. He also thought about the blinding fury that had nestled deep in his mind.

Now that he’d semi-calmed down, he was able to think a little more clearly.

Jack wanted to immediately point to Victor, mostly because of his biased hatred toward him, but he figured that if police asked him and he said Victor and the reason why, they wouldn’t really listen.

Jack tried to think of someone who could have abused Mark like that…

“Hey, what’s wrong with Mark?”

Jack looked up when Emma directed her words toward him.

Jack gave a small shake of his head; it was already wrong for him to know from Felix, he didn’t need to ruin it more by telling Emma.

“… Mark’s not single, right?”

“No, he isn’t.” Jack answered, turning his head a bit. “Why?”

“… You know, he flinched when I moved my hand. Not that much, but I’ve seen that kind of flinch before. What kind of person is he dating?” She asked, heavy English accent ringing the proof sharply in Jack’s mind.

Jack swallowed harshly, cerulean looking up at Emma quickly.

“… This asshole named Victor. Awhile back he accused Mark of cheating whit me so now we can’t mess around the same.”

“… right.”

Emma immediately seemed perturbed, but she just turned and walked away.

Jack stared after her for a moment, before giving a petulant sigh and resting his head against the arm of the couch he was sitting on.

PJ paused as he heard noises from the other side of the door he was passing. He knew Mark was sleeping in that room… and hearing the sounds of an obvious nightmare…

He hesitated only a moment before slowly twisting the knob to the door and peeking in.

Mark was in a backwards ball, chest puffed out and legs going the opposite way. His cheeks had tear tracks down them, arms wrapped around the bigger pillow as if his life depended on it.

Mark gripped the pillow in his fingers tightly, white knuckling the fabric in his sleep so stiffly that it was going to hurt his fingers when he woke up.

His breathing hitched as he choked on tears in his sleep, small whimpers of pain escaping him as he moved.

PJ frowned at the sight, before slowly shutting the door again.

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do about that. After a second, he threw open the door again and went in to try and wake Mark up.

Hazy chocolate eyes immediately snapped open, and PJ watched in an odd sort of intrigue as he changed positions and sat up.

“… sorry, was I loud?”

“I was passing by. You sounded like you were in a lot of distress, so I decided to wake you up.”

Mark nodded slowly, licking his lips in thought before slowly trying to get off the bed, pain obvious in his expression.

PJ watched as he finally got to his feet, before falling forward a little and barely catching himself on the bed.

“You need anything?”

“I’ll come with you, I think I should get some water at least… Try food…”

PJ nodded, before making his way over to Mark’s side.

PJ knew how to handle someone who was in need. He usually lost how he acted usually when another person was in need; turning more clinical and more of an aid then any joking.

Mark let PJ help him out the room to Felix’s dining table.

Mark dizzily sat down, watching as PJ looked around for the glasses to get him some water.

“Oh, Mark!”

Emma’s voice caused Mark to flinch, the movement rocketing down his spine before he sighed.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I got so scared; I’ve played enough horror games.”

“I can’t tell if that was an offhanded insult or if you meant because I popped up out of nowhere.”

Mark didn’t answer, thanking PJ instead for getting the glass and sipping at it.

“Mark, you’re awake?” Felix asked, to which Mark gave a slow nod.

“Really hungry…”

“I’ll find something.” Felix answered immediately; glancing to look as the pale and broken other watched his movements fuzzily.

Felix scowled a bit. It was obvious that Mark had gone through something that made him act this way. And of course, Mark had practically told him.

‘Forced to eat something I didn’t want to’.

Felix cursed as he realized his mind had wandered too far into something that made him angry and he’d squeezed the egg in his hand.

The yolk and whites trailed down his hand, making him sigh in frustration and start getting paper towels.

Emma sat down next to Mark, watching as PJ offered to help, before looking over at Mark.

For a moment, she just stared and took his features in.

The last time she’d seen him, it was at PAX.

Since then, he was paler, there were shadows under his eyes, and his cheeks were hollowed.

A bruise was stark against his skin, causing her to narrow her eyes.

“Hey, how’d ya get that?”

Mark looked up, foggy eyes watching her for a second before he spoke.

“What?”

“The bruise.”

Mark immediately turned his face away to hide the bruise, reaching up to cup his own cheek with a wince.

“… Tripped over something and face planted right into the floor.”

The excuse was such an obvious lie.

Emma’s frown immediately turned into more of a scowl as soon as Mark said it.

“Mark, is someone hurtin’ you?”

“I can just have some toast?” Mark suggested to PJ and Felix, completely ignoring Emma’s words.

Emma sat up straighter, anger clear on her face. She repeated her question, with a little more heat.

“Can I have some more water? I already finished my cup…”

Emma stood, slamming her hands onto the table.

The sound effectively brought everyone’s attention to her, but she didn’t ask again.

“… no, Emma.”

Mark went silent immediately after his two words, but Emma obviously didn’t believe him.

She sat back down, crossing her arms against her chest as she looked away from him.

Mark stared at her for only a moment, before looking back at PJ and Felix.

Felix was staring down at the counter, icy anger overtaking his expression and making his usually dopey look more adult.

PJ didn’t look at Mark, just watching the floor as he tried to think of something to say. After a few seconds, he decided on, “With jam or no?”

“… No thanks. Just butter, maybe?” Mark asked, tilting his head a little to look up at PJ.

PJ nodded, turning to begin making Mark his toast.

Felix grabbed an apple from his and Marzia’s fridge, offering it to Mark.

Mark gladly accepted it, giving him a soft thank you.

“… hey, Emma?”

Emma looked over, scowl obvious on her lips as her arms stayed across her chest. Salt.

“I wanted to come to Cringemas. I didn’t ask, I just said I was going. Then I said I’m an adult and I don’t need permission. That’s how I got the bruise.”

The kitchen went silent.

Everyone but Mark completely froze.

Even Felix stopped, before glancing icy eyes over at Mark.

“… That…”

“And I feel sick because ‘only one thing gets me to learn’.”

Mark stared down at his hands, before suddenly, in a hoarse and broken voice, he spoke again.

“… Don’t let Jack know… “

Emma’s jaw clicked.

“… you aren’t going back ta that.”

“Right. I already told him that.” Felix interjected, causing Emma to look up in surprise.

“You knew?”

“Mark told me yesterday.”

Mark looked away. “… don’t talk about me like I’m not here…”

“… Sorry.” Felix mumbled, actually apologetic.

PJ set a small plate in front of Mark with two halved pieces of toast on it.

Mark thanked him quietly before nibbling at one of the halves.

“… Mark, what’s that, uh… ‘one thing that gets ya to learn’ crap?” Emma finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

Mark didn’t answer, just finishing his second half of the first piece of toast.

Jack stepped into the kitchen a few moments after, effectively shutting Emma up so she didn’t ask again.

“Hey, Mark, you alright? Good, yer eatin’… Ya needed it…”

Mark gave a numb nod, jolt going through him as the phone in his pocket suddenly started ringing.

He sighed, pulling the phone out and looking at it.

All emotion was completely gone from his face as he saw who was calling, before he let the ring play out and placed his phone face down on the table.

“Who was it?” Jack asked as soon as Mark put his phone down.

“No one.” Mark lied, taking another small bite of toast.

Felix stepped a little closer, getting to Mark’s side just in time to grab his phone when it rang again.

Felix’s own face went emotionless as well, before he hung up the call early.

Immediately, Mark’s emotionless state turned into one of pure panic and fear.

“W-What the fuck did you do?!” He cried, standing quickly before giving a loud whine of pain and using the table as a rest.

“Mark-!”

“Felix, I’m going to d-!”

“Mark, just calm down-!”

Mark pushed away from the table, slamming back into the wall behind him as he tried to calm down.

In front of everyone…

“I-I… I need… I’m going out…”

Felix immediately furrowed his eyebrows, scowl set on his lips.

“You can barely walk, you can’t go out!”

“I’ll take him out somewhere. Mark needs some fresh air.” Jack offered, but Felix just glared at him.

“You don’t have a license!”

“Fine, I’ll take him somewhere.” Emma offered.

The kitchen went quiet again, before Felix sighed.

“Yeah. Thanks Emma.”

Emma nodded, stepping closer to Mark. For her credit, she was genuinely trying to help.

Mark flinched a bit, before giving her a small thank you and letting her lead him outside to her rented car.

Felix grabbed Mark’s phone, biting into the inside of his cheek as he waited for Victor to call again.

Jack glanced down at his phone when it chimed, pulling it out to look.

“… what?”

“What?” Felix asked, looking up.

“… Victor.”

“Victor what?” Felix asked again, voice hard.

Jack showed the phone to Felix, cerulean eyes dark.

‘I know Mark is up there with you guys. He won’t answer the fucking phone. Tell him I’m pissed. Unless you’re fucking him. The slut…’

“If he wanted someone to believe he was a good person he wouldn’t send shit like that.” Felix growled, narrowing his own icy pair of blues at the screen.

“Felix, it was Victor, wasn’t it?”

Felix didn’t answer.

“… Fuck, it was! Victor hurt Mark… An’ not just that, Victor fucking…” Jack cut himself off, glancing over at PJ.

PJ immediately put his hands up and turned to walk out the kitchen.

As soon as Jack was sure he was gone, he continued, voice hissed and low.

“Victor fucking raped him…! That asshole… That bastard… That son of a fucking bitch!” His voice steadily got louder.

Felix nodded his agreement, shaking his head a little.

“… You know he’s going to try something.”

“Like what?”

Felix leaned against the counter behind him, reaching a hand up to grip at his hair.

“… I don’t know yet. But you know he’ll do _something_.”

Jack gave a small sigh before nodding.

Yes, he knew.

He really fucking hated this.


	4. Bleary

Mark sort of regretted letting Emma take him out.

Firstly, Mark was still in pain, and the food he did eat wasn’t exactly enough to really stave away his dizziness.

Secondly, it only took a couple of minutes before…

“What did he do?”

Mark let a small sigh expel from him as he pressed his forehead against the cool glass.

Mark had never said it out loud, maybe hinted at it with Felix, but never explicitly said it…

“… He… Did something…”

“Yeah, I know tha-!” Emma quickly cut herself off before she got salty.

Emma figured it was something Mark didn’t want to say. In fact, he’d never actually explicitly said that Victor even hurt him.

If she only took his words into account, without the proof of who it was after from Felix, it could have been anybody who hurt him.

Saying anything made him uncomfortable.

And Emma was only making it worse by being like that.

Mark grimaced, staring down at his lap as he tried to form words to say it.

But he couldn’t.

“H-He… did… h-hurt… G-God damn it…”

Mark struggled to find words, sick as he thought of what had happened.

He remembered struggling, remembered writhing and screaming…

Remembered just wanting to get away…

“… Emma, he destroyed me.”

Emma didn’t respond for awhile.

Mark glanced over at her as the beats of silence continued.

Emma was staring forward, doing her best to just pay attention to the road and not say anything. She didn’t know what he meant, but the thought of anyone causing what she saw in him was already pissing her off.

Mark saying that Victor destroyed him was getting to her.

Mark let out a small sigh, turning his head to watch the scenery drift past him. Then he realized he had no idea where they were going.

“Hey, Emma?”

“… Yeah, Mark?”

“Where are we going?”

Emma let a small shrug lift her shoulders, giving a split second sideways glance at him before focusing her vision back on the road.

“I thought a drive might be good. If you’re hungry we can get something from the shop.”

Mark hummed a bit.

He didn’t honestly care what they did, but leaving after something like that happened definitely felt like the good idea.

Mark rested against the car door again, scarlet smashing against the glass as he exhaled shakily, eyes shutting.

It didn’t take long before he fell asleep.

Jack sat on the couch, thumbing the edge of his phone in his hands. For awhile, he just wondered what he was going to do about Victor.

Victor had texted him a second time, which said that he was going to find Mark, that he wasn’t going to let them kidnap him…

Mark of course, hadn’t been kidnapped. But the way Victor had texted it seemed like he knew that, but was going to say that they did.

And knowing Mark’s fear…

Jack jolted as the phone vibrated and chimed in his phone, turning on the screen.

‘Fine, if you won’t answer…’

Jack felt cold settle in his stomach as he realized that was going to be the last of the text messages.

If he won’t answer, what?

“Jack, what’s wrong?” Felix asked, sitting next to Jack on the couch. He watched as Jack clicked on his phone again and put in the code before giving it to Felix.

Felix silently read the words, icy anger restarting and washing over him.

“We already said we knew he’d do something.” Felix finally spoke.

“That’s fuckin’ different then actually gettin’ the threat.” Jack scowled, voice dark and strained.

Felix nodded slowly, before standing.

“It’s ok. We’ll just let Mark rest for today, and then tomorrow we’ll do the live stream, th-!”

“What will he do?!”

Felix went silent, staring at Jack as he watched the man emotionally break down. Tears made tracks down his pale cheeks, giving a rough bite to his inside cheek just to make sure he didn’t sob.

Felix swallowed painfully.

In all honesty, he didn’t know.

He just wanted to get Victor in jail, lock him up and throw away the key… Get Mark out of the hell that he’d been forced into.

But he very well knew he couldn’t do that yet.

Mark was not well enough to stand against him and say he hurt me.

Victor was never going to say it happened and in all honesty they weren’t even in the same country so there wasn’t a way to completely do anything yet.

But Felix had already promised he was going to fix things, so that was what he was going to fucking do.

“Felix…?”

Icy blue eyes snapped to attention, watching Jack as he shuffled a bit before standing so he was mostly eye level with the Swede.

“I’m going to do everything I can to keep him safe.”

“I know.”

Jack bit into his lip, humming a little nasally as he tried to find the right words to say.

“… Which means he’s probably not going to America after, right? An’ ya probably already offered fer him to stay with you… But I wanted to know… Can I bring him whit me, home?”

“I’m not the one you should be asking.”

Somehow, Felix found a way to laugh a small bit, slight nervousness stuck in his eyes.

“I know, it’s jus’…”

Felix’s uneasy smile faded, a sigh escaping him as he looked away.

“… Jack, do you love him?”

“… h-huh?”

“I mean…”

The question immediately turned the conversation awkward, making the previous emotions null and void for the moment.

Felix stared at Jack for a few moments, before he blinked in surprise as realization dawned on him.

Jack was genuinely confused.

It wasn’t just a confused how did you know/tell, but a genuine confusion…

“I mean, are you… Jack, do you love… Never mind…”

Jack gripped his arm, tilting his head a bit as he himself struggled for words.

Dried tear tracks still ran down his cheeks, but the expression on his face didn’t match a single bit.

“… I mean, ‘a think I had a crush on him years ago, before we met… But I don’t know…?”

Felix nodded slowly.

The question was definitely a mistake and was now put in the idiotic word vomits from Felix’s mouth category.

Felix huffed a bit. “Jack, get some rest. We’ll be doing a lot tomorrow, though I think it’s like… 4 or something hours at a time? It should be easy.”

Jack nodded, accepting his phone when Felix finally offered it back before trudging over toward the room Felix let him borrow.

They usually had hotel rooms, but since Felix decided on being nice, Jack and Mark were staying with him.

Mostly because Mark needed help and Jack had no license.

PJ and Emma were on their own, he’d said.

And yet there were places they could and most definitely were going to stay in, as a surprise. He just hoped they didn’t make plans at a hotel before he told them.

Felix was the one who lived there.

Even if PJ and Emma were only a few cities over and Jack was literally only across a small sea.

Mark woke up without a single dream as soon as Emma parked the car and pushed his shoulder lightly.

Mark blinked bleary coffee eyes at her, rubbing them harshly. “Oh, sorry…”

“No, you’re good. PJ said ya had a nightmare at Felix’s, so I think a car ride was just what ya needed. Maybe the motion gets rid of them.”

Mark nodded slowly in response.

He, in actuality, believed that. Multiple times he’d fallen asleep in the car and not once had a nightmare.

As soon as he was in a bed, however…

“Ya still in pain? I got some Motrin if ya need…”

“I’m not on my period, Emma…” Mark joked, raising an eyebrow at her with a small wry smile.

Emma huffed, glancing over at him with a small scowl. “It’s Tylenol with a few extra stuff, like muscle relaxant and caffeine. It’s not just fer periods.”

“… alright.”

Emma seemed to relax as soon as Mark accepted, getting a water bottle from the back and handing it to him as he pulled two pills from the container she flung at him.

“… Not as much pain as before. It’s just kind of a dull ache now. Just, the pain keeps draining my energy.”

“… the hell did he do ta you to make ya like this…?”

Emma’s whisper didn’t go unnoticed, though, as Mark accepted the water bottle and took the two pills.

“… f-forced, ah…”

That was all that was needed.

Emma paled, going completely still as Mark stared down at his lap and regret pooled around his core.

“Forced…? Ya mean… Mark, d-did he… r-ra… Mark did he rape you?”

Mark shook his head quickly, mumbling an apology as he flung the car door open and quickly stepped out.

God, that didn’t feel nice.

Mark winced in pain, shaking his head softly a few times before limping his way to Felix’s front door and knocking.

Emma cursed, quickly pulling out her keys to follow.

That was a yes.

Mark’s reaction, even if he hadn’t nodded or said it, was a yes.

And it made her ill.

Emma completely ignored Felix’s attempt at a surprise to let her stay at his house, instead storming toward Jack’s own room and flinging the door open.

She was glad when Felix followed.

“You know what he said?”

“Huh?”

Jack was obviously more than half asleep, sitting up groggily to try and pay attention.

“He said forced. That was it. And I asked him if he meant Victor forced himself on him and his reaction said it all. Victor raped him.” Emma’s voice was quiet, eyes blazing as she looked between the Irishman and the Swede.

“Fuck, I knew it…” Felix growled, rubbing his face. “I had a suspicion, but… No, no. It’s still not confirmed, we need to wait for Mark to really say something.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

Emma and Felix looked over at Jack, who was watching them, voice soft and quiet.

“What do ya mean?” Emma asked.

“What if he just tries to go through all of this himself? I wouldn’t put it past him. Mark’s a selfless type of person. What if he doesn’t tell any of us anything, or anyone for that matter? What if he jus’ suffers through all of this alone because he doesn’t want ta pull anyone else in?”

Felix pursed his lips, before cursing as he turned to leave the room.

That was a damn possibility.

In fact, it sounded exactly like the road Mark was going down.

Felix had to find a way to stop it.

For Mark AND Jack’s sakes.

Jack looked up at Emma, before thanking her.

“Eh? What for?”

“For trying to help. Yer kind of awesome. I’m gonna get ta sleep. We’ll sort this out. Mark will be fine, soon. I’ll make sure of it.”

Emma gave a tired smile before wishing him sweet dreams and getting to her own bed Felix layed out for her.

God and the live stream started the next day.

This was going to be a lot.

It really fucking was.


	5. Life Itself

Mark didn’t want to admit to Emma that the Motrin helped.

It really did, to the point where when Mark woke up he actually felt rested instead of in exhausted pain. The pain had already started subsiding on its own, but the pills had helped enough to make him feel better.

Mark realized that after days, he finally was ok with being awake, instead of being somnolent.

Mark had been in almost perpetual sleep the entire time and he finally actually felt conscious.

This was a good thing, because it was only hours before they started the first day of the live stream.

Mark slowly got out ‘his room’, looking through the texts on his phone with a shaky sigh.

Even if he felt better physically, Victor was still out there. Suddenly, antagonizing him over text had become the past time.

Mark shut down his phone with a bite to the inside of his lip, wincing a bit when one of his steps seemed to cause the ache to spike up again for a few moments.

“You alright, Mark?”

Mark glanced up at PJ, nodding softly.

“… hey, you know where Emma keeps her purse? Or if Felix has any Tylenol or something?”

PJ raised a brow, before turning to look in Felix’s cabinets.

“Here’s some Tylenol.” He tossed the bottle at Mark, and thankfully his gross motor skills had gone back up to almost-par, so he was able to catch it.

“You going to be able to do Cringemas?” PJ finally asked, leaning against the counter behind him.

Mark sat down slowly at the table once he poured himself a cup of water, quickly taking the nasty pills with as little tasting as possible.

“Yeah, of course.” Mark nodded his almost-promise, taking another gulp of water.

PJ sat down across from him, watching him intently as if to try and find out what was wrong by looking at his face.

Mark uncomfortably glanced away every few seconds, leaning back a bit. “S-Something on my face…?”

“No, I was just… Well, yesterday, ya looked pretty bad. Your bruise looks better already, and you have a bit of color back. You almost look like your regular self again.”

“Almost… damn, I hope I look normal by the time we go to do the live stream.”

“Maybe.”

It was obvious by the way PJ spoke that he severely doubted it.

Mark nodded slowly, before standing and slightly limping his way to the fridge. It didn’t take him long before he found a few uneaten muffins and grabbed one.

“Felix?!”

The Swede in question appeared in the door way as soon as Mark’s still-slightly-raw voice resounded, causing the scarlet haired man to flinch back a bit in surprise.

“Uh, can I have one?”

“Yeah, sure Mark. I bought one for each of us.”

“… dude there’s only three.”

Felix paused, eyebrows furrowing, before he spoke in a slightly joking tone, “… fuck, I think I ate mine already. And Emma’s.”

Mark rolled his eyes, before putting his muffin back. “I’ll let Emma have mine then.”

Felix scowled, before grabbing Mark’s muffin and putting it down on the table

“Alright, so you have yours…”

Mark rolled his eyes again, sitting down to bite into and eat the muffin.

It felt good to eat, he couldn’t remember the last time he had something good like this. He usually had to skip meals just to fit on his own time.

Mark never could take good care of himself, much less when his significant other decided to abuse him.

Mark didn’t want to call Victor that, though. Not even Jesse.

As soon as people raised a hand to him, he was less inclined to call them anything close.

Jack stepped into the kitchen with a yawn, rubbing his forehead before cracking open one of his eyes.

“Morning…”

“Not a morning person?” Mark asked, to which Jack shrugged.

“I’m a person, but I’d rather stay up for a long while then wake up from sleep.”

“So not a morning person.” Mark said flatly, causing Jack to lightly stick the tip of his tongue out at the half Korean.

“No thanks, I like to use toilet paper.”

“Eww!”

Obviously, even with Jack’s proclaimed ‘disgust’, he was genuinely happy to talk like this with Mark.

It’d been a long, long time… And Jack felt absolutely horrible about it.

“You guys should get ready, we have to go in like… 5 hours.” Felix said, pausing to look at the time and then sheepishly admitting it was a lot longer then he’d previously anticipated with the way he spoke.

Mark chuckled, raising a brow at Felix.

“Alright, dude.” Mark spoke, his voice slightly crapping out in the middle.

Mark cleared his throat a bit, wincing a little before grabbing his water and drinking some.

“You getting sick?” PJ asked, nibbling on the sandwich he’d made himself.

“No, I used my voice a lot. The sleep I got was a good rest from using it, but my voice still isn’t perfect yet.”

Mark scowled a bit at his own explanation.

He knew exactly why his voice wasn’t up to standard.

Mark’s thoughts wavered back to a few nights before.

When Victor pushed him into a wall, when he shoved him into their shared room and onto the bed…

When he started to cry and whine and fight against the much stronger other.

Mark remembered when his clothes were finally torn off and Victor had forced his legs apart…

Mark remembered when he felt Victor ram into him and he let out a long, broken, pained scream that already started to fuck up his voice…

Mark couldn’t breathe.

Mark quickly stood from the table, hands going up to grip at his shirt collar, trying desperately to get himself to breathe again.

“Mark?!” Jack cried in concern, getting close to touch his shoulder.

“It’s a panic attack, get away for a moment.” PJ suddenly told him, grabbing one of Mark’s hands and pressing it against his chest so the other could feel his breathing.

“Follow my breathing, try to copy me. It’s alright,  Mark… Breathe, breathe…”

Mark finally was able to calm down, eyes slowly shutting as he tried to get back the energy he’d suddenly expended.

“What happened…?” Jack asked, concern coating his voice.

Felix let a glower overtake his expression as he watched the floor. He knew what that meant.

Mark had a panic attack because he either remembered something or was triggered by something…

“… Hey, if you need anything, Mark, you just have to say.” Felix finally offered, glancing up at the scarlet haired man.

Mark looked haggard again already, but he just shook his head slowly.

“I-I’m fine… You have any sparkling water?” He finally asked weakly, to which Felix nodded and turned to grab a can from his fridge.

Mark wondered if he was going to be able to even pretend that he was perfectly normal during the stream.

He didn’t have any confidence in his acting skills at the moment.

Mark accepted the sparkling water with a thank you as he traveled into the living room, sitting down on Felix’s couch criss cross applesauce style.

Jack watched him go before glancing at PJ a moment as if to tell him to leave.

PJ put his hands up with a small shrug. “I’ll go wake Emma up.”

“You think he’ll answer if I ask why that happened?” Jack asked as soon as he was sure PJ was gone.

Felix bit his lip lightly in thought.

“… maybe. You can try, but if he gets panicky, I think only PJ knows how to handle it…” Felix mumbled, thinking.

“Right… I’ll go see. Jus’… Are we going ta ignore Victor until after we’re done with Cringemas?”

Felix glanced up, icy blue eyes holding hesitation.

“… I don’t know if we can since he just basically threatened to do something yesterday… But he’s in America, he can’t _do_ anything…”

Jack licked his lips, nodding slowly. “Let’s worry about him later. I’m going ta go talk to Mark.”

Mark glanced up when Jack stepped out the kitchen, looking away from the TV.

“Hey, Jack…”

“You alright?”

Mark slowly nodded, leaning his head against his hand as his elbow dug into the couch arm.

“What happened?”

“… my voice got thrashed because something happened, you know.”

Jack paused, eyebrows furrowing as Mark let him know basically, before immediately shutting down.

“Nothing, I just got really stressed. I just need to vacation here for awhile and not go back home.”

Jack nodded slowly, unsure what to say in return.

He wanted to ask why Mark’s voice got thrashed.

He wanted to ask why he really had the panic attack, because that wasn’t the truth.

He wanted to help Mark.

Mark looked severely uncomfortable all of a sudden as Jack sat down next to him.

“… are you sure? Mark, I want ta help you…”

“So you know?”

Jack paused, glancing cerulean eyes away before he twisted a bit to clash with a chocolate pair.

“… Yer bruise… And the way you were acting before…”

Mark glanced to the floor, before shaking his head slowly.

“Jack, everything’s fine.”

“B-But Vi-!”Jack cut himself off.

Telling Mark about what Victor texted to him wasn’t going to go over well…

Jack shook his head, before standing.

“… Thank you.”

Jack glanced over, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “Fer what?”

“… for everything. Thanks for worrying, I guess.”

“You’re welcome. You really are…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh.  
> The next three chapters are going to be hell to write.  
> I have to actually rewatch Cringemas so I can.  
> Lol the next chapter is going to be the first day of Cringemas, then the one after is going to be the time between, then the next is going to be the second day.  
> I'll likely only do the parts that change based on what happened though.


	6. Cringemas (Part 1)

“Ho-Ho-How’s it going bros?”

Mark sighed a little, rubbing the top of his head as he adjusted his glasses.

In all honesty, he wasn’t sure if he was going to make 2 days of this.

With how long they had to stay here, and the fact that Mark had to somehow act like everything was ok… when it wasn’t…

“Great- I also feel very lonely, oh no, this shouldn’t…”

Mark quickly payed attention again, pulling at the sleeve of his sweater.

If all else failed, Mark could at least try to have some fun, right?

Before his mind wandered back to Victor and his death threat- no, no…

Not here.

Mark quickly forced the thought down as soon as he felt his chest tighten a bit.

“Okay, our first guest!”

Mark looked up again when he saw Felix sit up, clapping a bit for attention.

Mark waddled a little.

“M-… Markiplier? What- how is it here?”

Mark quirked an eyebrow at the use of ‘it’, before chalking it up as Felix’s grammar.

He slowly took a step forward, before Felix waved his hand.

“No, wait, no no no no, you’re not Mark.”

Mark tilted his head again in confusion, before Felix pointed at Jack and he understood.

“That’s Mark.”

Jack rolled his eyes a bit as he stepped forward, causing Mark to smile lightly. He definitely missed the comfort of hanging out with his friends.

“There he is! Clap it up everyone! Markipli- hey!”

Everyone, including Jack himself, was clapping as he started toward Felix and into camera view.

Mark bunched up the fabric of his pants in his fists, sighing lightly.

Alright.

He was going to have to calm down and start having fun.

He needed this.

Except he couldn’t help worry if Victor was going to watch…

Part of him wanted to stay away from Jack a bit just in case…

Regretfully, Mark figured that was exactly what he was going to do.

When Mark was finally called- as both Pewdiepie and Jacksepticeye?- he walked forward and glanced at the two couches.

“Do you want to sit here?” Felix asked, rubbing the seat between him and Emma.

“Now I have the awkward choice of which couch do I want to sit on…” Mark spoke, quietly.

He heard them all chattering at him at once.

“You can either sit really close to me and Jack, or comfortably with-“ PJ started.

“Yeah- You kind of picked a slide here…”

Mark slowly walked over to sit with Felix and Emma, his lips quirking into a smile at Felix crushing Emma a bit to make room for Mark.

He slowly walked toward his new found seat, pain still a small, dull ache settled in his core, reaching out for a… something with Felix.

It was a few awkward hand movements before Mark finally got a handshake and he sat down, relief flooding through him. It took a few moments and he was slow, but he finally sat, shaky breath exhaling from his lungs.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt this long.

Mark figured that the pain that used to be sharp and bright was now dull and just a bit sore, but it still shouldn’t be hurting that long, right…?

Mark settled into his spot, trying to find a way to comfortably position his arms and legs as Felix complained a bit about their cringiness and how they were live already.

He listened to Felix try to explain the box, pointing in a few random corners, before Mark finally decided he should help.

“Wait, which box you talking about? The card or the-!”

“The card! Thank you Mark.”

Mark pointed to the corner holding the card in one swift movement, eyes still staring at Felix.

“Smooth, real smooth!” Felix complimented with a laugh.

Mark finally was able to relax, talking with all of them and even laughing at Felix’s “Let’s make ‘em broke! That won’t happen…”

He hadn’t felt this comfortable in a long time.

Even when he went to the office to work with Tyler, Ethan, Kathryn, and Amy, he hadn’t felt this comfortable.

In all honesty, if he wasn’t with Victor, he’d probably have asked Amy out.

Amy was a close friend of his by then, and Mark really enjoyed her company.

Of course, he knew he shouldn’t think like that.

No wonder Victor hurt him.

Mark idly wondered if he deserved it.

The thought caused his chest to go tight again, so he quickly stopped his thought process and turned off autopilot.

At least he’d perfected his autopilot enough to be almost normal.

More normal than he could be for real.

The first thing he noticed was Edgar.

His leg unhooked from his other, to stare at the pug.

He couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him as he watched Edgar go toward the tree and Jack chastise him for it.

“Puppo~!” Mark said softly, voice slightly higher pitched.

“And we will eat it at the very end- Why am I here? No one listens to me, I-!”

Mark quickly turned to look at Felix as the others continued to talk about the dog.

“Hey, I’m listening.”

Felix laughed a little, looking up at Mark.

Mark liked that through this he was able to laugh.

It felt nice.

It really fucking did.

\---

Mark gasped as Felix held up his hat.

“It’s Mark’s hat! It matches your hair~!”

Mark laughed a bit as Felix put the hat on him, singing the I Am The One meme a little.

He caught the hat after Felix turned away, looking it over before really putting it on.

“This is not going to fit on my gigantic head…” Mark finally said, still trying to cram the hat on anyways.

“Why don’t you just cut the shape of a Christmas Tree into the wax- nobody’s going to listen? Nobody?” Emma asked, causing Mark to twist a bit.

“That is a great idea, no one is gonna listen.”

Mark glanced over when Jack gave a cry in pain.

“See? Women know what they’re doing.” Emma said, making a gesture with her arms.

Mark turned, a dopey look across his face.

“I agreed with you! I’m a man!”

“N-No, you’re not.” Emma said, but Mark chose to ignore it.

Victor had always said things like that.

Mark was weaker than he was, Victor was the ‘man’ of the house, Mark was more the woman.

Mark needed to learn his place…

Mark shook off the feeling, quickly putting the Plopp into the tube he’d found and blowing it so it would hit Jack.

“Ah, god je-!”

“Sorry, did that hurt?!” Mark quickly asked once Jack had spoken.

Jack picked up the Plopp, made a whoosh sound with his mouth, and threw it at Mark.

Mark turned a bit, flinching when it hit his skin.

No, it was ok…

He was hanging out with friends, he wasn’t in trouble or anything…

Mark reached down with shaky fingers to pick up the candy, putting it back in the tube and aiming it at the back of Felix’s neck.

As Felix started to sing Why Can’t We Be Friends? Mark blew out, harshly.

Felix was interrupted, giving an “Oww.”

Mark continued to blow until Emma’s Plopp got stuck in the tube.

“Wow…”

Mark shook it a bit to try and get the candy out.

“What did you-?”

Mark made a jerking motion with his hand, letting out a small grunt.

It hurt.

Not much, but the movement sent a wave of pain through his body.

Mark figured it was aggravating his bruises and marks across him…

But he’d already committed to getting it out.

Mark made the same movement again, in a dab, before he looked down the tube another time.

“It’s not working.”

He heard Emma start laughing, before turning to her and jiggling it a bit.

“It won’t work!”

He made a movement to try again.

“Why won’t it come ou- woah!”

Mark immediately started to shut down as the candy flew across the room, loudly.

For a moment, he thought that he was going to get in trouble.

Mark wondered how messed up Victor had made him in that moment.

A long time ago, Mark would have laughed it off, made a joke about how he got it, and be done with it.

And here he was, afraid that he was going to get beaten for it.

Mark figured it was enough staring, mustering up the courage to let lose a laugh.

“Good god, man.” Jack spoke, having watched the Plopp fly.

After a while, when Felix was forced to scoot back, Mark sighed a bit.

“Just come back here, I’ll give you a massage.”

Mark remembered the first time he gave Victor a massage.

He figured it as unhealthy, comparing every action he did to his time with Victor.

Every breath he took was a reminder of Victor…

It hurt.

But Mark refused to let himself be pulled into that torrent, instead reaching forward to give Felix the massage he’d promised.

Victor had always wanted his massages…

Mark swallowed harshly, realizing that he was pretty terrible at keeping his thoughts in check.

He was in control of his thoughts and he knew he should stop reminiscing but…

It was so fucking hard.

\---

“Everyone has to buy a present. We have to go out and buy a present for this person that we just picked up out of- the thing.” Felix explained, glancing around.

Mark’s eyes widened a bit.

He just went out to buy presents that day, barely able to with how much energy he’d expended from his panic attack.

What the actual fuck?!

“But I just- I just bought presents today!” He finally complained, glancing at Emma and Felix and then toward Jack and PJ.

“Then you should be good!” Jack answered, before Mark quickly shook his head.

“Noooo! I gotta do it again!”

Mark was cut off by the Christmas Cracker brought out the papers and pens for the Secret Santa.

He passed along the papers, then the pens, before writing his name on the paper.

Mark chuckled a bit at their teasing toward Felix on the what if he didn’t write his name, before folding up the paper with his own name on it.

When Mark pulled the name that he was going to buy for, Emma was scrawled across the paper.

Alright.

He could definitely buy for Emma.

\---

Mark was great at cooking.

He had had to learn living with Victor, had to cook dinner and make sure Victor was happy with them.

So when Mark had to make food for the Cringemas dinner, he was fine.

He cut through the premade cake, making the Turkey Cake.

He liked the monotonous movements of cooking, and even enjoyed wrapping Felix up as a Christmas present.

Mark loved making fun of Felix, and even had fun wrapping him up.

“I hate my life.” Felix spoke directly into the camera.

“We hate you too.” Jack answered, bending down a bit to wrap around him.

“What, are we his life?” Mark asked, Jack giving a small affirmation.

All three of them gave small chuckles as PJ complained that he couldn’t do the tape.

Mark liked being here.

\---

“Mark’s only nice to Chica, he’s not nice to other dogs.” Jack joked after Mark pushed Edgar away from trying to get into their things.

A rocket of ice suddenly went down his spine.

Chica.

Victor had hated Chica after a while, when the fluffy dog had started growling at him for hurting Mark, to the point where Mark eventually had to ask Tyler and Ethan to watch her.

After Victor had kicked her.

Mark had remembered the anger he felt, burning bright and shrouding his judgement as he yelled, punched, and ran off to give Chica to them.

Mark remembered what he’d come back home too.

Victor had been, to put it bluntly, pissed beyond belief.

Mark was lucky he hadn’t died from how much he’d been beaten.

Mark had barely been able to move, only motivation was when Victor said if he didn’t get his disgusting self out of Victor’s sight, then he would be reminded who owned him.

Mark figured out early on that after Victor did it the first time, rape was going to be a looming threat that nearly always kept him in check.

Mark had always done whatever he could to keep that from happening again.

Mark hated himself for letting it happen again.

He figured that was a horrible way to think of things, he didn’t ‘let’ it happen, but if he had just listened…

If he’d done everything Victor had wanted…

Mark blinked away tears that had started in his eyes, clearing his throat a bit.

“Hey, Mark, you ok?” Felix mumbled worriedly, to which Mark nodded quickly.

“Of course man, just remembering Chica.”

Felix paused, glancing over at the cameras before whispering again, “She’s not with…?”

“No, no… She’s with my friends Tyler and Ethan.”

“Good.”

Mark felt relieved when Felix dropped the subject.

When they started to go normal again, Mark relaxed and shoved himself back into cooking.

It felt better.

He’d needed this.

\---

Elf Jack was adorable.

Mark’s reaction to Jack kicking Felix’s shins was immediately enough to cause Mark true laughter.

It felt good.

It felt great actually, chocolate eyes crinkling.

Luzou’s idea of making him do a jig was amazing.

Mark felt… jealousy when Jack and Felix did things like this.

He wanted to act like them. He used too…

Mark laughed harder when Felix said that he hated Jack and opened his legs.

He rolled over, judged how much pain he was in, and slightly opened his legs as he spoke; “I hate you! Uh~!”

Mark put his legs down, ignoring the small stab of pain from the bruises on his stomach.

At least the pain between his legs had definitely subsided.

Subsided enough that Mark could barely notice it anymore.

\---

Felix in a turkey costume was amazingly silly.

Mark smiled largely as Felix made a joke about Slippy and how the frog was going to take over the live stream.

As they started celebrating that the live stream was over, Mark started blowing on his tube that used to be filled with Plopp.

He made dabbing motions as Felix yelled for everyone to dab as hard as they could, before he started to tire out and wonder if the live stream was actually over or not.

He stared forward for a long moment, before turning to the camera after Felix yelled cut.

“I think we’re still live.”

He took a few steps, bending forward to stare at the camera, ignoring the slight pain from the movement.

“We’re not live, we’re going home!” Felix shouted, turning away.

“You sure?” Mark asked. “It looks like we might be live.”

“Then let’s beat him some more.” Jack started hitting Felix’s inflatable costume with his tube again.

“Mannequin challenge!” Mark suddenly yelled, turning around to strike a weird pose.

Mark looked over as he saw Felix slightly deflate and Jack start to wail on him with the tube again, before rushing toward the couch and rolling on it a bit, till his legs were in the air and he was squished in an odd position.

Mark immediately regretted his decision.

He heaved a shaky sigh, legs spreading in the air as he tried to get into a more comfortable position.

It hurt.

Fuck it hurt a lot.

“Oh my god, Mark…” Emma chastised a bit.

Mark wanted to say something but in his position his chest was squished the wrong way.

“I’m going in!” Felix cried, launching himself forward and only mildly stuttering in his movements before rolling on top of Mark.

Mark gave a low, pained whine, which made Felix immediately get off, apologizing profusely.

Mark forced himself to lay down on the couch, looking up at Felix with one half opened eye.

“Fuck man…”

Mark let his eyes close as they finally started talking about Slippy watch to the people, before the camera was finally turned off.

“Ok, Mark, I’m so sorry, I forgot…” Felix apologized again, causing Mark to twist to look up at Felix.

“It’s alright.” He spoke in a slightly strained voice, standing off the couch.

“… You sure?”

Mark nodded, practically limping his way off the set.

He needed a break.

He needed sleep.

So when they finally got back to Felix’s place, that’s exactly what he did.


	7. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic rape and abuse at the beginning.

_Mark’s head was tipped downward, pink slightly blocking his eyesight._

_He struggled a bit, a harsh swallow hurting his throat as Victor pinned him to the wall._

_He glanced up at him in slight confusion, biting the inside of his lip._

_“V-Victor…?”_

_“You’ve been cheating on me, haven’t you?”_

_Mark’s entire body went rigid. With wide eyes, he stared at his boyfriend, blinking a bit in slight confusion._

_“W-What are you talking about?”_

_“Jack.”_

_Mark felt a shiver run down his spine. For a second, he wasn’t sure what to say, before glaring slightly. “No, I’m fucking not. Get off me.”_

_Mark pushed against him, before giving a small cry when Victor slammed him against the wall again and didn’t give._

_Victor was much stronger than Mark, and he knew it._

_Had known for a while, but he still tried to fight back._

_Fear curled around his core as he realized that Victor had him pinned._

_“See, I know you’re lying to me. I see how you guys act. I see everything, Mark.”_

_Mark’s breathing hitched and he whined as Victor shoved him harshly into the wall again._

_“W-We were just joking a-around!”_

_Victor suddenly let go, before his lips quirked for a moment._

_“I know what’ll make you learn.”_

_Mark looked up a bit, grimace stuck on his expression._

_“P-Please stop it… L-Learn…?”_

_“Learn who exactly owns you.”_

_Mark exhaled shakily, straightening a little. “N-No one… No one **owns** me. I’m a human being, I-!”_

_Victor sighed, hand raising a bit._

_“See, this is why you need to learn.”_

_Mark cried out as Victor smacked him in the face, hard enough to send him sprawling._

_Mark hesitated on his knees, reaching up to touch at his lip. He stared at the blood speckling on his finger._

_Before he could do anything, Victor grabbed a fistful of pink and yanked Mark toward the stairs, not giving him a chance to get up._

_Mark basically crawled to come with, cries escaping him at every tug Victor made to make him go faster._

_“P-Please, I n-never…” Mark tried, before another cry escaped him as Victor pulled him harder into the bedroom._

_Mark’s head hurt._

_He was thrown into the room, Victor shutting the door behind him._

_Mark staggered to his feet, reaching up to feel his throbbing scalp._

_“… wh-what are you… g-going to do…?”_

_Victor didn’t answer, staring at him for a long moment._

_Mark didn’t like that Victor was standing against the door, cutting off his only escape._

_“Undress. Now.”_

_Mark’s legs went numb, blinking at Victor in confusion._

_“… w-what…?”_

_“Are you deaf or just dumb? I said, undress.”_

_Mark glanced around them, before he slowly shook his head._

_Maybe Mark was making a mistake by defying Victor as much as he did, but even after all that pain, Mark wanted his own rights. It wasn’t… fair…_

_Victor’s eyes flashed angrily, before he launched forward and punched Mark in the stomach._

_Mark bent inwards, arms covering his stomach as tears restarted in his eyes._

_Wet, brown orbs looked up to stare at Victor hazily._

_Victor grabbed him by his collar, pulling him up a bit to look at him._

_“Oh, you already got some bruises…”_

_Mark gulped a bit, glancing away._

_Victor threw him to the ground again._

_Mark’s hands and knees barely caught him, breathing ragged as he stared at the rough carpet._

_Victor had done sexual things before, usually just made Mark suck him off, but he’d never had to undress all the way before…_

_Usually, Victor wouldn’t need anything more than Mark’s mouth, and while he hadn’t exactly wanted too, it wasn’t too much for Mark to handle._

_Mark remembered one other time, when they were on the couch and Victor’s hand went everywhere, including inside him, but…_

_Even then, he’d been able to get past that._

_The only time Mark could remember before that Victor had ever made him undress any, was when Mark was forced to take his shirt off and Victor whipped him._

_Mark remembered that night with horror._

_Now, however…_

_Mark wondered if this was going to be even worse._

_Victor stepped backward a bit to let him move._

_“Now, are you going to undress?”_

_Mark staggered to his feet again, before realization finally, finally wormed its way into his mind._

_Victor was going to rape him._

_Mark stood frozen in fear, before he moved forward a bit._

_“Fuck you.”_

_Mark swung wildly, landing a punch right across Victor’s cheek._

_Victor looked surprised for a moment, hand reaching out to catch Mark’s arm and pull him forward._

_Mark realized the danger he was in as soon as Victor had him pinned against his own body._

_Mark squirmed a bit, before he was thrown to the bed._

_Mark cried and screamed and fought back as Victor tore away his clothing, feeling all of the barriers that had been keeping him safe wrenched away and thrown to the ground._

_“Fine, Mark. Then I won’t be nice. A whore like you doesn’t deserve to be prepared.”_

_Mark was confused; he didn’t really know how it was supposed to happen. He’d never done anything like this before._

_Mark raised his hands to push him away, before Victor’s hands found his throat._

_Mark struggled and wheezed, feeling Victor continue to press harder before finally Mark’s consciousness slipped away._

_When he woke back up, Victor was moments away from violating him._

_Mark tipped his head up to glance at him, tears starting to stream down his cheeks as he realized he was too weak to move correctly._

_“P-Please… Please…”_

_A scream ripped from his lungs as he felt the initial tear, his body writhing a bit as tears continued to pour down his cheeks, breathing suddenly choked._

_Mark’s voice started to go, the screaming destroying his vocal cords as pain hit him in waves…_

Mark gave a loud, heartbreaking scream.

He twisted and turned, tears heavy down his cheeks.

He barely heard the door open, falling forward and off the bed as he continued to feel the pain, continued to feel the hands and hear that he was a whore, a slut…

Mark felt someone _touching_ him.

Mark fought against the unknown other, falling a bit before he huddled himself away in a protective ball.

“PLEASE, I’M S-SORRY! I DIDN’T D-DO IT!”

Mark hiccupped, shaking violently as tears continued down his cheeks.

He felt someone touch his wrist, causing him to flinch backwards again.

“V-VICTOR I DIDN’T! P-PLEASE! I-IT HURTS, IT HUR-RTS, S-STOP!”

Immediately the hand was gone, before he heard a small voice.

“Mark, it’s me…”

Mark didn’t respond immediately, just breathed ragged, choppy breaths.

“Mark, it’s me, Jack…”

Mark slowly let his arms fall a bit to peek out at Jack.

Anger was clear in his eyes, but he desperately tried to stifle it for Mark’s sake, hand shaking a bit as he waited for Mark to calm down.

“What’s happe-!” Emma’s voice died away when she appeared in the doorway, followed by Felix, then PJ.

Mark didn’t care, just throwing himself forward and wrapping his arms around Jack tightly, burying his face into Jack’s shoulder and sobbing.

Jack slowly wrapped his arms around Mark, rubbing his back a bit.

“… y-you would have been proud of me…”

Jack glanced down at Mark, who had pulled away a bit to speak.

“I fought back th-the first time… Left a horrible b-bruise… Y-You would have been proud…”

Jack held him close, eyes slowly shutting when he felt Mark finally fall asleep again, still in Jack’s arms on the floor.

Jack twisted to glance up at Felix, Emma, and PJ.

“… come on, help me put him back ta bed.”

Felix went forward to help move Mark, though Jack found that he didn’t necessarily want to let go.

“… did ya hear what he said?” Jack finally asked, voice shaking from anger as he settled into the bed next to Mark.

“You sleeping here, Jack?” Felix asked after a long pause.

Jack nodded a bit, before turning toward the other three.

“He said Victor, stop, it hurts. He said I would have been proud, he fought back the first time.”

“… the first time Victor hurt him?” Emma finally asked after another long pause.

Jack nestled in close, making sure to keep hold of Mark. He shook his head slowly.

“I think there’s more to it than that. But we’ll have ta wait for him to let us know, right?”

“I guess…” Emma mumbled, before turning to PJ.

“Oh, shit, ya know nothing about this, do you?”

“Well, yeah, I’ve been pretty much kept out of the loop. But obviously it’s not really much of my business.” PJ waved his hands a bit before turning to head back to his room.

They had to do the other half of Cringemas tomorrow…

Mark was obviously a little messed up, especially if that vivid, horrifying nightmare was any indication…

And after Felix accidentally hurt him…

“We should just let Mark sleep. Right?” Felix asked, twisting to look at Emma, then back to Jack.

They both agreed before Felix and Emma left the room, shutting the door.

“… ya think they like each other?” Emma asked before she headed into her room.

Felix hesitated, glancing back at their closed room before looking to Emma.

“I don’t even think they know if they do or don’t yet.”

“But?”

“But I think they do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to actually do the beginning part of the next day in the next chapter, and then Cringemas part 2 in the chapter after.
> 
> Cause urgle.


	8. I Figured

Mark woke up slowly, chocolate eyes watching the rise and fall of the Irishman clinging onto him’s chest.

Confusion overtook him, before he realized what had happened.

He’d had a nightmare- a particularly _vivid_ one. He remembered launching out of bed, remembered…

Fuck.

Mark tipped his head a bit to bury his face into Jack’s soft hair, eyes shutting again. It was dark.

His weary eyes glanced over at the time; 4 AM.

Mark decided that it was way too damn early to wake up, instead just shutting his eyes as he let himself relax against Jack. For the most part, the smell of him, the tranquility of being close to someone softer than Victor could ever be, staved away any nightmares.

Mark couldn’t fall asleep again, however.

He sighed softy, noise muffled by Jack’s hair.

Mark remembered the first time he’d ever slept close to Jack.

It was during Indy Pop-Con, so long ago, when they had to share a hotel room and Mark had accidentally gotten one with only one bed.

Mark couldn’t remember if he was with Victor back then.

The time lines of his life had blurred so much that Mark couldn’t remember the last time he was normal.

He figured he dyed his hair pink maybe 16 months after he got together with Victor?

If that was the case, then the first time Victor raped him was about a year ago.

Mark had tried so hard to keep it from happening again…

Victor had never been a very sexual person.

Victor had been more about power.

Power over Mark, power over his life, power over everything…

Mark figured raping him had been a final act of power, to force him into submission.

Mark also figured it had worked.

Mark started to cry, soft whimpers escaping him as his arms tightened around the sleeping body in his arms slightly.

He felt Jack move somewhat, before gentle fingers reached up to brush away the wetness from beneath his chocolate orbs.

Cerulean ones clashed with his eyes, filled with half asleep worry.

Jack’s lips parted with a small sigh, before he sat up. Mark let go, watching as the Irishman sat back on his haunches, staring down at him in a way that made Mark want to hide his face.

“Are you ok…?” He mumbled, a yawn breaking up his words.

Mark wanted to stop, wanted to run away, wanted to apologize for waking him up, but all he could do was let lose another sob.

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed in concern, before he reached forward to push red out of his eyes. “Hey, Mark? You can tell me what’s wrong… Please…”

Mark twisted to hide his face into the pillow, shoulders shaking from barely contained sobs.

Jack hesitated, before reaching out to tentatively touch Mark’s shoulder.

Mark seemed to freeze under his touch, before he spoke, muffled by the pillow.

“… I-I can’t stop thinking about it…”

“About… what?” Jack asked, adjusting to sit in a more comfortable position.

“… V-Victor… He did it twice… A-And it hurt… I’m disgusting…”

Jack slowly shook his head, hands shaking with barely contained anger.

“No ya aren’t… D-Did what twice?”

Mark whined slightly, sitting up slowly to stare at Jack. His breathing was labored, and the expression on his face was heart breaking.

“… h-he abused me… s-sexually…”

Jack swallowed painfully, feeling ice shoot down his spine and lodge in his lungs.

Mark looked ashamed, staring down at the bed, at his hands, tears dripping fatly from his eyelashes and settling heavily onto the sheets with an audible pitter patter.

Jack didn’t know what to say.

On one hand, he was about to start yelling and pounding against the wall or something in anger. But there were a few problems with that- this wasn’t his house, everyone else was asleep, and it was obvious anger would definitely scare Mark, especially since it was clear Mark was ashamed.

On the other hand, Jack wanted to pull Mark close, promise that he would be alright, promise that Jack would never let him get hurt again and that he was a beautiful human being, not disgusting. But the problem with that was Jack didn’t want to scare Mark, not at all. And he had no damn clue how to handle a panic attack.

So Jack just traced circles into the sheet, voice quiet; “Victor… that fucking asshole…”

Mark glanced up in surprise, before he bit into his lip harshly and gave a shaky sigh.

“He… I’m ruined, Jack… No one will ever want me again if they know what he… Everything he d-did…”

Jack snapped to attention, scowl settled on his lips as he tried to think of something to say to negate Mark’s shaky words.

“No, Mark… He’s a monster… You’re not ruined, not at all…”

Mark shook his head, diving into the bed again to hide from Jack’s eyes.

“… I… Mark…”

Another violent shake of his head that ruffled the blanket that he’d pulled over his head.

“… alright… Let’s jus’… go back ta sleep…”

Mark flinched when he felt Jack crawl close, giving the Irishman pause.

“… s-sorry… I can leave if ya want…”

Mark sighed, sitting up and wiping away the tears dripping down his cheek. “No, it’s alright… I’m sorry, I just…”

“I-I know…”

The next morning, Mark’s first act of business was walking normally toward the kitchen.

“Doesn’t hurt anymore?” Felix asked without thinking, causing Mark to flinch.

“… uh, n-no, not anymore…”

Felix’s face slowly scrunched up, causing the half Korean to furrow his eyebrows in utter confusion.

“That was a fucking stupid question and not appropriate at all I’m sorry.”

Mark waved him off, asking quietly if he could have some coffee. He accepted the mug Felix gave him, sipping at it delicately while taking his seat at the table. He still had mild pain from his bruises and healing wounds, but he couldn’t feel any pain… down there.

So he relaxed into his chair and took another sip.

“I’m going-… Uh, i-is it alright to go to the store for the Secret Santa thing in an hour?” Mark asked, staring down at the table in front of him.

For a moment he was genuinely afraid that he was going to be hit, or worse, for staring off with ‘I’m going’.

Wasn’t that exactly why Mark had been hurt so severely?

‘I’m going to the Cringemas Charity Live stream for RED this weekend.’

Emma and Felix, however, just furrowed their eyebrows at him.

“I mean, you’re an adult, you can do whatever you want… Did ya… need a ride or something?” Emma asked, taking a small step forward.

Mark glanced away in shame, tracing grooves in the table with his index finger before giving a shaky breath as tears filled his eyes. “I-I’m sorry… please don’t hurt me…”

Emma quickly twisted to look at Felix while he did the same.

“Hey, it’s alright Mark…” Felix murmured, biting into his lip a bit.

Mark quickly wiped away his tears and apologized again, taking a gulp of his coffee.

“We’re… making breakfast, so do you want to stay for that before…?” Emma asked, settling in the seat next to Mark.

Mark nodded slowly, before taking another sip.

Breakfast was French Toast and bacon.

While Jack tore up the bacon to put in between pieces of French Toast, Mark tore straight into the bacon and then his French Toast.

Jack laughed lightly at him, smiling when Mark glanced up to look at him.

Mark gave a slightly sheepish smile, starting to slow down in his eating.

“Sorry, I was really hungry.”

“No, ya need it. No need ta say sorry.”

Mark had seconds before he decided to stop stealing Felix’s food.

“Alright, I’ll be back. Can I borrow your car?” Mark asked Felix.

“Do you know how to drive over here…? We kind of drive on the other side of the road...” Felix spoke, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck.

“Um, yeah? I’ve done it before?” Mark explained, in a slightly sarcastic questioning tone.

Felix scoffed a bit, twisting a bit with a pout settled on his lips.

“I’m just making sure you’ll be safe…”

Mark paused, joking tone quickly draining from him.

If Mark had been ok, Felix would have said making sure his car would be safe.

Instead, because Mark was disgusting and pathetic…

“Fine, I’ll fucking walk.”

Felix looked up in confusion at Mark’s uncharacteristic hardness in his voice. He turned, and walked toward the door.

Mark was happy Felix had given him a key, because part of him worried that he wouldn’t be allowed back in.

No, they weren’t Victor…

Mark remembered one night when it was so cold and fucking raining of all things, and Victor threw him out the front door and told him to go whore around somewhere else.

Mark had stood shivering, in his pajamas without a jacket or shoes, and somehow made his way to Tyler and Ethan’s.

And then he got in trouble for actually going to someone else’s house and got accused of cheating.

Mark figured, after awhile, that Victor had just wanted Mark in trouble.

Mark had been good for awhile, and Victor really wanted to punish him for something…

Mark reached up to wipe away the tears that had started pouring down his cheeks.

“Are you alright?”

Mark glanced over to see… Jack?

“Uh, y-yeah…”

“Ya just ran off so I decided ta follow… Mark, yer crying…”

Mark looked away. He felt utter humiliation swell in his core as he mumbled an apology and scrubbed violently at his face.

“… yer fine…”

Mark bought Emma a lot at Target.

He got an electronic snake, an elephant balloon, and more.

Mark had fun wrapping them and hiding them so Emma wouldn’t find out what they were.

His eyes glanced up at Felix when the Swede walked in, giving a slightly tight smile.

“It’s time to go?”

“Yep. You going to be alright?”

Mark nodded, grabbing his bag and hoisting it onto his shoulder as he stood to follow.

“Yeah. I… I’ll be just fine.”


	9. Important Author's Note + Chapter 9 Preview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST REALIZED ITS BEEN 6 MONTHS. LET ME CATCH UP ON MARK, START WRITING A SANDERS' SIDES SERIES, AND THEN GET BACK TO THIS. SORRY SORRY THINGS HAVE BEEN SHIT LATELY AND I'VE BEEN PRETTY BAD/DEPRESSED/SUICIDAL ETC. I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS STORY. HERE'S WHAT I HAD OF THIS CHAPTER BEFORE:

Mark flopped tiredly on his bed, curling into the fluffiness of the covers.

He was tired.

Maybe it made sense that he was tired, since he’d just finished day two of Cringemas with his friends.

Now he was laying on Felix’s guest room bed, pretending it was his own and pulling out his phone.

He felt it vibrate in his hand as he turned it back on, biting his lip harshly as he waited to see if Victor had sent something. No.

Mark shook his head and sat up.

No, Victor could fuck himself. He wasn’t going to scare Mark anymore!

… not when they were a literal ocean apart, anyways.

But Mark couldn’t help the sharp breath that thrummed in his chest, shifting as he noticed 5 new messages from the violent other.

He remembered that Victor had texted him many times over previously during his time here in England, so obviously Mark should be used to seeing that he had.

A missed call, too…?

‘Mark you better answer these fucking messages’

‘Mark I swear if you’re with someone I’ll kill you both’

‘You know what’

‘Alright I forgive you’

‘Come home and I won’t hurt you’

Mark swallowed painfully at the last three. After threatening both his and… well, if Mark were with someone, their life too, Victor had resorted to… asking Mark to come back.

There was something sick about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAYS AGAIN SORRY BUT I'M GOING TO BE WORKING ON A SANDERS' SIDES THINGY AND THEN I'LL TOTALLY BE ONTO THIS. JUST DECIDING IF I WANT IT TO BE A BUNCH OF ONE SHOTS COLLECTED TOGETHER IN ONE UNIVERSE AS ONE WORK OR IN A SERIES


	10. Visual Novel Authors Note

So guys, I've been thinking.

Since I should be writing this, and since I was starting to make Save Me into an RPG game but can't use the software I was using to make that game for a bit, does anyone want to help me with making this into a visual novel?

Mostly, I can write the code and stuff, but would anyone like to help with the art ;u;

Anyways, once I can get back into the headspace of this story and start with the visual novel I can totally start writing this story again!

You guys can contact me on my tumblr, musingcustody (or memecustody), or my wattpad, MattySeptiplierTale.

Thanks for listening!

**Author's Note:**

> https://gamejolt.com/games/beautiful-now-vis-novel/312399


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